Am I too late? Has God given up on me?
Question: Sometimes it feels like God has given up on me. I'm at a point in my life where I don't know what to do. I have an addiction, and every time I think I've overcome it, I relapse. My biggest fear is that God has given up on me. I used to have this amazing relationship with Him, and now I feel like it's gone. Am I too late? Has God given up on me?
Response: Where there is life, there is hope. My sister, God hasn’t left you. And He certainly hasn’t forsaken you. We don’t serve a God who moves on human whims, emotions or feelings. We serve the God of the Universe who operates on the heavenly principle of love. That is His character. It is our own nature that obstructs our view of Him, skews the lens through which we see His hands working, and inhibits our will to give Him access to all of us. But He’s always there. The Bible affirms this in Deuteronomy 31:6-8 ESV: “He will not leave you or forsake you. It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed”.
But I do know of your pain. I understand how addiction pulls us away from Him. I get how the darkest parts of our lives have us running in the opposite direction of His love and grace. I can understand how an addiction can crucify us to a cross that is way too heavy to bear. But that’s not God’s desire or will for our lives. He knows that this has been burdensome for you. He sees the pain you carry and the burden you bear. But His words promise that you can overcome. You can experience healing, freedom, and victory! You are able to replace guilt and shame with compassion and courage. There are practical steps you can take to work through and overcome this addiction. I commend you for taking this emotional risk - I know this was a heart-wrenching, vulnerable exchange. And I thank you for having the courage to get honest and real about the issues you face.
Before I share anything else, I want you to know that you are loved. Your Heavenly Father loves you immensely. I mean, deeply and greatly. His love for you was from an inception in His mind, before you were in your Mother’s womb. Nothing that you’ve done or will ever do could stop Him from loving you. You mean so much to Him, and His desire is that you’ll come to see yourself through His eyes. You are so much more than the struggles you endure. You are not defined by your mistakes, addictions, or failures. Your identity isn’t founded in your human nature; rather it’s rooted in the image of God. So, know that God doesn’t love you any less. In fact, His nature is to press even closer so you can hear His voice and find healing and restoration is your mind and heart. Every time you relapse He doesn’t turn His back or run away, He pushes in even deeper for you to feel His presence. Imagine Him pushing His face upon yours and opening His arms to you so you can cry and rest in His love. That’s the Jesus you serve. That’s the God of truth and love who cares. He doesn’t wait for us to find Him, He pursues after our hearts with love, grace, and righteousness. So, your healing journey by letting go of the shame you have. No longer carry the shame or guilt of what you’ve done or experienced. Let go of that guilt. Move out of that pit of shame. Don’t sit in that space any longer. That’s not God’s intention for us. Please do not allow the Devil to trap you in a cycle of shame. I understand the struggle but you can arm yourself with knowledge and strategies that can give you power and courage. It’s not too late.
Here are some practical steps to take in overcoming this struggle:
Talk to your Heavenly Father
God doesn’t want you to sit in despair, shame and guilt, so share this with Him. Give this part of your life to Him. He can give you the power and strength you need to get through this triumphantly. Talk with your Heavenly Father about this struggle and your desire to know what is right and how you can change. It doesn’t have to be a perfectly crafted, wordy, or some fancy prayer; just simply talk to Him honestly. He desperately wants you to give Him the dark and difficult parts of you. I promise He won’t turn His back on a sincere heart. He listens, He will respond, and He cares so much about you experiencing freedom.
Isolate what triggers your addiction
Ask yourself: Is it a person? Is it when you are bored or feeling lonely? Is it late at night? Is it when you’re feeling overwhelmed, low and/or dejected? Has it just become a part of your routine? Is it from watching a show/movie?
Identify this so you can change or replace the desire or feeling with actions that are better choices. For example, if it is late at night, you can try going to bed earlier, reading a book, or calling a friend. If it’s because you are feeling overwhelmed, low and dejected, try journaling, exercising, engaging in a hobby or activity, or even making a gratitude list.
If it’s become a part of your routine, create a new one with accountability and boundaries. If you have a trusted friend, you can share your struggle and ask them to be an accountability partner. They can help you maintain your schedule and keep those boundaries in check. If you choose not to share your struggle you can have the accountability and say it’s to develop a better structure and more consistency in your life.
Lastly, implement other strategies to help you cope. If applicable, set boundaries with that person, remove your phone or laptop from your nearest reach during vulnerable times, place website blockers on your computer, or you can add screen timers to your devices as well. Think of your triggers and make actionable steps to help redirect your focus and energy. Find what works for you and build those boundaries and gain that accountability.
Talk with a therapist or counselor
I encourage you to talk with a counselor or therapist. There is no shame in speaking with someone who can give you tools that will bring stability, consistency, and boundaries in your life. A counselor or therapist can also address those underlying issues and needs and guide you to healing and victory. It’s imperative and valuable that you explore this in a safe space, where you can process the pain and hurt of this addiction.
Talk this through with yourself (and God, of course)
In that moment when you feel the desire or urge to indulge, tell yourself that this feeling is temporary. Tell yourself, “I can find other ways to devote my attention and energy”. Tell yourself, “I can get through these feelings”. You may not have all the confidence to say it boldly at first but in developing this practice you will help redirect your thoughts and energy.
Place visual reminders in your room and all over your home. Things like, ‘I can overcome’. “All things are possible with God”. “I can manage my urges or desires in a healthy way”. Speak transformation over your life and call the Holy Spirit into that space as well. He will give you words and the strength to pass this feeling. Our words have power and they have the ability to weaken and eliminate intrusive thoughts.
Emphasize other areas of your life
I encourage you to develop every area of your life - mental, emotional, spiritual and physical. Find special hobbies and interests that will promote your thinking and belief system. Highlight these areas where you can grow in knowledge, experience, and confidence. Develop these areas in ways that will offer lasting joys and freedom.
Ground yourself in your beliefs and build that foundation in Christ that’ll strengthen who you are. A foundation that’ll feed your soul and permeate your thoughts. Engage in various activities that expand your mind, heart and view of yourself and others. Develop yourself holistically so that you won’t ever feel trapped or suffocated by your desires or urges. It starts with your belief system, your body wellness, and then changed behavior will eventually come. Emphasize those areas so you always have a place of refuge, rescue, and restoration if you relapse.
Connect with a church or support group
It’s important to have a community of believers you can lean on and gain wisdom from. Connect with a group of believers whom you trust and can call on. This can be a support system or accountability group. They can be an immense source of strength, wisdom, and comfort. You can find support in a church group or social circle that can offer connection, positive relationships, accountability, and the care you need. It’s okay to let trusted people into the painful parts of your life. You don’t have to go on this life journey alone and you certainly don’t have to feel isolated in your struggle.
Find new ways to experience Jesus
To deepen that relationship again, find new ways to connect with Jesus. You can read the Bible one hour before or read other religious or spiritual type books. You can also find moments throughout your day to read a bible verse or passage, spend time in nature to experience the wonders of God’s creation, or even make a list of all that you’re grateful for or that you’re praying for. These are all ways in which you can strengthen your relationship with God. It allows you to relinquish the burdens you carry and invite Jesus into every part of your daily life. So, you can have Him with you throughout your day.
Recognize and accept that this is a process
Know that change will not happen overnight. It will be hard, but there is hope. It is possible. You can experience freedom. God is able to create a great change in your mind and heart. His will and power is strong. It will take time to unlearn and discard unhealthy knowledge, desire and behaviors. It will take time to rewire your brain with healthy thoughts, images and actions. Be kind to yourself. You’ve probably operated in survival mode for a long while so healing will be a journey. Lean into God’s grace and love on days when you feel low and weak. Pull from His strength to help you get through.
You may falter, so prepare yourself with the word of God. Run into the arms of your Savior. There is an abundance of love and grace. There is compassion and healing. Don;t run from Him. He wants you to see Him especially when you are down, because it’s in your weakness that He is made strong. So, see yourself through His eyes today - like you did nothing at all. And begin the journey again. Remember Proverbs 24:16 NIV - “For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again”. Go back to Him. His arms of love and rescue are always open. Don’t find yourself back in that space of guilt and shame.
Give it to God again and allow Him to love all over you and remind you that you are His. Be compassionate to yourself by walking in who God says you are. Each day give it to Him and you’ll wake up one morning with a greater need for Him than any other thing in this world.
Remember
Your faith journey is a journey! Each morning is another opportunity to connect with God. You were saved the moment you accepted Jesus into your life and He is aware of the struggles you have, but He has promised to guide and strengthen you in Him as you grow. Continue to seek His face and He will renew your mind and heart for His glory and goodness.
Be encouraged. You already have the courage, now walk in God’s compassion and grace. Be honest with yourself and with Him. Talk to your Father. His love and forgiveness is waiting so you can experience beauty in your heart. Now, my sister, walk in truth, compassion and God’s grace on this journey toward true love, healing and freedom.
G2G Mentor
