Am I Gay?

Subject: I’ve never been attracted to guys so I started experimenting with girls in high school. Does that mean I’m gay?


First, I want you to know that you’re not alone, and I’m so glad you felt you could ask your questions here. Being curious, longing for closeness, or even experimenting does not necessarily mean you’re gay. Some girls and young women are primarily attracted to guys. Some may be more attracted to girls — yet still end up dating or later marrying a guy. It’s absolutely okay to be unsure, and it’s wonderful that you asked your question rather than hide it. By asking, you will help other girls who may be wondering the same thing. For some girls, being curious or experimenting is about desiring attention or affection from a friend they admire. This closeness may be a search for value, identity, or a sense of belonging. Such a girl may be seeking assurance to questions like “Am I accepted?” or “Am I beautiful?” Other girls may experience same-gender attractions during sexual development. These desires could be temporary, or they could indicate that a girl is sexually oriented toward the same gender. Time will tell. It is important that you not carry anxiety or urgency to figure it all out. It may take months or years to better understand your desires. Be patient and trust in God.  Sexual experimentation won’t ever answer the question, “Am I gay?” Rest instead in Jesus, for His amazing love offers you all the assurance you need about who you are as a young woman. In Christ, we have certainty, assurance, belonging, AND confidence in our identity — not because of anything we do or don’t do, but because of His love for us.


You are discovering a lot about who you are. Due to rapidly changing hormones, many girls can’t understand their sexual orientation with confidence until their 20s! In the meantime, no one should pressure you to decide. You don’t need labels—you need to know that God loves and accepts you-- no matter what.


You also need and deserve safe support. Sex is a gift — and a responsibility — that God has made. If you’ve been sexually involved with someone but decide you want to stop and ask for forgiveness, the guilt is washed away! You are free to get back up and keep pursuing sexual holiness. To accomplish this, you will need support from a trusted adult who can help you further process your questions. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.