Premarital Sex - Can I Stop?
Message: I have a friend. We are not dating, but a few months ago, we got intimate . . . it has been the most difficult six months of my life so far. I have tried several times to stop, but I keep falling. I have prayed about it, but I feel like at this point there is no need to really. My walk with the Lord has suffered the most and I want to stop, but I don't know how to. Please help me.
Response: Relationships can be hard. Choices we make can impact them and change them forever. I promise you that God will help you with this. He wants to help you. He loves you. Choosing to be intimate with your friend hasn’t changed how God feels about you. Keep reminding yourself: God is crazy about you!
Stopping may be hard, but it is not impossible.
Don’t give up on God or stop praying. He hasn’t given up on you. Intimacy outside of marriage isn’t what He wants for you, but He forgives. And keeps forgiving. That doesn’t mean you should just give up and keep having sex with your friend. It means that He will NOT give up on you.
I’m guessing you don’t want to lose the friendship. If the two of you can no longer be friends without being intimate, sadly you have already lost the friendship you had. There are sometimes consequences to our decisions.
Keep praying and asking God for strength and then take steps to protect yourself from the situations that lead to having sex. Spend time together where sex isn’t an option—don’t be alone together. Rebuild a friendship by doing fun things together with other friends.
If you haven’t already, tell your friend you no longer want to have sex. If your friend pushes you to be intimate anyway or doesn’t respect what you want, then take a break from the friendship. I know that will be hard. But a true friend will respect you and want what’s best for you. If they don’t, you need to consider that they may be using you and don’t truly care about your heart.
It may help to find someone you can be accountable to—a friend who will listen, not judge, but who will ask you how things are going and be a person you can call and talk to when you find yourself wanting to cross that line or give up. Choose a friend who will pray for you and with you about it.
I want to encourage you to not let the devil discourage you with guilt. He may tempt you to believe that because you crossed the line with your friend, that’s it for you—you’re no longer pure or good enough. He is a liar and would love to keep you from living the life God has created you to live. He knows that if you trust God, even in this—believing God has already forgiven you and is giving you a new start—God will do amazing things in your life and through you. So every time the devil starts tempting you to beat yourself up or feel unworthy or hopeless, start praying. Memorize a couple of scripture verses that remind you of what God thinks about you and says about you.
I’m really proud of you for reaching out and am praying for you. I may not know you, but God does. Never forget that He loves you. He will never stop loving you and will never give up on you.